Moving Forward...life before, during and after a meniscus transplant

So to finish my end of the year “what did I do” review...  I had a lot of pretty amazing things that happened. But I would be lying if I didn’t say that so much of the year has left me with a bittersweet feeling.  I have a feeling I knew deep down that my knee was not ok when I did the half Ironman. I wanted to quit during the swim more than anything I’ve ever wanted to quit. I could not fathom finishing it and I cried through half of it. The river was choppy (thus being called the Choptank), I got kicked and hit by the real swimmers and I got stung by a freakin jelly fish. But damn if something didn’t make me keep going, and I finished with 40 SECONDS to spare. I can’t imagine the regret I would have now if I had quit and not had a chance to complete my main goal for the year. So my bad knee is really why I pushed through and finished it.  The bittersweet lies in all of it.  From my knee getting dramatically worse in May, to getting it looked at in June, to hearing the reality of what

One of my very favorite parts of the end of the year is tallying my running mileage, considering my goals-met, and thinking of goals for the next year. It’s very exciting to look back and relive the good and the not-so-good from the year. Inevitably I scroll through my pictures month by month with a huge smile on my face.  “Oh, I forgot about that race” “I can’t believe I PR’d in that humidity” “Thank goodness I didn’t give up and just swam through the tears” Obviously this year is really different.  I’m struggling to reconcile how happy I am in what I did accomplish running, with how terribly disappointed I am in what happened to my knee, with how proud I am of my recovery so far.  It’s impossible to come up with one primary feeling to cover it all...so I decided to not try and reconcile the feelings. I’ll let them be separate and not equal.  As A Runner As a runner I had a great year. It ended on 7/31 with a total of 862 miles. But up until then I really had an incredible year that I

Today makes 8 weeks since I had my surgery.   Today is also when I had to say goodbye to Marty my physical therapist. I knew back in August (after my scope surgery) that this was coming, but I still cried saying goodbye to him today....and yes, there are a lot of things that bring me to tears. It’s part of what makes me awesome  who I am.  Anyway, Marty is going away on a trip for 6 weeks, and he leaves Saturday, and today was my last session with him, and moving forward Michelle will be my PT person, and I’ll likely being doing everything from home or the gym by the time Marty returns, so no more PT with Marty.  Maybe I have a problem with getting attached to people who help me walk again and maybe I become overly bonded to people who invest real time and effort in helping me understand the what and why of getting my body back to functioning.  Whatever.  I am sad to not be finishing this rehab with him. I’m grateful that he knew how to push me and reel me back in at the same time. I r

Phew.  This has been a busy week!  I had my 10th PT appointment today. I only know it was my 10th because I have to fill out a survey about my own perception of my progress at every 10th appointment. I filled it out first at appointment #1, and the points I gave myself added up to a 15%. So I was15% satisfied with my knee way back then (a handful of days after surgery). Today, the points added up to a 50%. Not bad.  My shadow walking without crutches to PT  So today I walked (without crutches) to physical therapy. It felt like a good “easy” challenge. It’s 0.35 miles from my house. I took it really slow. It was nice to take advantage of living in the city and walk to appointments like I normally would. The walk home was a lot harder after having a strenuous PT session, but slow and steady I went, and eventually got home. PT with Marty today was pretty intense, and I still can’t figure out when I should push myself and when I should wait for someone to tell me to push harder. I’m afraid

Let me introduce myself... I’m someone who’s walking again, using both legs! I’m crutchless for short distances (mostly at home and in my office), and using at least one crutch for longer walks (everywhere that’s not home or my tiny office).  Wow does it feel good to be at this point!   I literally feel like a new person! I’ll back up a bit... The past 6 weeks I kept feeling like it didn’t matter how physically prepared I was before the surgery because I was SO limited by the healing time. It didn’t matter how good or strong I felt during my recovery because I wasn’t cleared to do much of anything really. The carticel implant needed to knit to the bones, the meniscus needed to stay firmly in place without the stress of my body weight. The ACL was better off not being strained.  So while I was happy to let all of that happen, it felt like a painfully slow process.  I spent a lot of time this past weekend, and the early part of the week really focusing on my knee. Something in me said th

I’m sitting in a ridiculously packed waiting room waiting to see Dr. Z for my 6 week follow-up appointment. I’m certain to catch some nasty virus just sitting in a closed space with all of these people. But it’ll be worth it if I have a good visit! Last time I saw Dr. Z was a month ago. A whole month ago!  I remember him telling me at that visit that he would see me again in a month, and I started crying. And now here I am.  Interestingly... *A month feels like an eternity when you are healing from surgery or dealing with an injury. AND  *A month feels like it might as well be next week when you are a runner training for a big race.  Funny how your perspective can shift so dramatically.  So I’m here at 6 weeks, anxious to see what he has to say.  ***************************************** My visit was brief. He was rushing off to a motorcycle -vs- car accident guy that sought him out as “the guy to fix really messed up legs” who needed reconstructive surgery.  Dr. Z is delighted by my p

5 weeks.  It feels like 5 years... and at the same time... hasn’t it only been 5 days? Things are going really well.  Luckily that’s been the case from the get go.   It helps to have a great trusting relationship with my surgeon. It helps also that he’s dedicated and skilled at what he does. I’ve healed well thanks to being healthy and strong long before the surgery. And rehab has been successful because of my great PT guy Marty, and the fact that I’m dedicated to doing it right and getting the best outcome possible.  I am weary though.   This has been physically and mentally challenging.  There are days I feel strong as hell, and days I want to stay in bed and cry. Going back to work has been great but incredibly exhausting.  I cringe anymore when people ask me “what happened” with regard to my knee. I either get comments that get under my skin and make me want to run away (as if!) or I get amazing amounts of empathy that make me want to cry. Theres a whole big spectrum of reactions a

On Saturday, there was this thing called the Rocky50K Fat Ass Run.  It really is called that. Really.   I first did this run 2 years ago... and completed my first Ultra distance.  And it was AMAZING! If you are a runner, and you love Philly, and you love feeling the support of the running community, then this is a run you have to do.  This run changed my running-life.  Not to sound dramatic, but it really did.  From that day, I decided that I really can do whatever I put my mind to. I ran 31 miles, for fun, and talked to someone I barely knew (at the time...I’m looking at you Julia) the whole way.  I ran it again last year... again with Julia, and decided this was a run I would do  every year.  So this year’s run came, and I had to make a decision... *stay home and see how much fun everyone had via social media and hate everything  OR *join in somehow and be part of the fun but maybe still hate everything Thankfully I chose the latter, hoping I wouldn’t feel worse about it all, hoping

When I started writing this (Thursday) it was POD28, or 4 weeks since surgery. A couple of big (to me) things have happened.  1) I can sleep without my brace overnight! 2) The CPM machine is no more!   On Sleeping Without A Brace While it certainly feels more freeing, I wake up many times with “ouch” feelings. Not being held still in one place obviously means I will move my leg around now while asleep, and some positions don’t feel good!  It’s still very swollen and stiff in general, so it doesn’t bend much anyway. Like everything else with this process, the little bits of progress will take time to adjust to. I had visions of immediately sleeping on my side and getting the most rested sleep ever as soon as I didn’t need the brace overnight. Ahhhh...fantasy thinking at its best! On Saying Goodbye to the CPM While I don’t love the CPM, it is somewhat comforting knowing that the machine gradually increases the angle of flexion and I just sit back and micro-manage my house from a seated p