I’m still here...

It’s been a little while since I’ve written on here. 

Sorry about that. 

Or, you’re welcome...

I can’t assume all of you (not actually sure if I’m talking to anyone) want to read frequent ramblings from me on here.

It’s definitely been hard to find time to settle down and write. I’ve also just not had much to say (that doesn’t involve whining about the difficulty of parenting a 12 year old boy or the fact that time is literally flying by at light speed and I cannot seem to catch up).

But I’ve got some pockets of down-time here and there, so let’s see what I can come up with, or rather, what I can unload to free up some emotional/cognitive/rational space in my brain. 

Mother’s Day happened this past weekend. It’s a curious day for me, and one that has gotten more curious to me the past few years as I’ve become more certain and confident in who I am and what I want in my life. I think that’ll be a post for a different time though so I’ll leave you all (there I go assuming there’s lots of people reading this) in suspense for an indeterminate amount of time until I choose to tackle the subject of Mother’s Day. I will tell you about the gift I got for the day where we collectively celebrate our moms and being a mom. 

This is the gift right here. 

If you can’t tell what it is, I’ll explain it to you. If you CAN tell what it is, you’ll understand why it’s truly the most awesome thing I’ve owned in a really long time. This is a full-size quilt made from 30 of my favorite running shirts!  

I know, right?!  

It’s incredible, right?!

I will tell you that I asked for it, as in specifically told Alex that I wanted it, even picked the shirts out for it. But I didn’t see the finished product for the first time until Sunday morning when I opened it, and was crazy emotional, and completely in love. There are so many great memories represented in this blanket. 

I love it. 

Speaking of emotions...

I had a conference for work over three days at the beginning of this week. It happened to be in the same building where I did Physical Therapy with Marty after my surgery. So I stopped in to say hi to him and give him a thank you letter and gift!

These are the stairs I walked down to visit Marty during my lunch break. They are the same stairs I learned to walk up and down after my surgery. I remember being terrified when he brought me out of the gym to these steps and told me I was going up. I remember at the time thinking I would never comfortably walk up stairs ever again. Sounds dramatic (I think by now you know that I have that tendency at times) but stairs were frustratingly difficult for a really long time!

This picture would be SO perfect for how I feel about Marty if it didn’t have the word “journey” in it. Grrrrrrr. I hate that word so much! Oh well, I wanted to visit him to thank him for helping me through a really hard time (or journey, if you will). 

I found Marty, who initially looked worried, but then smiled real big when I told him I was stopping by to say hi, not because I was having a problem with my knee. I asked him about the transatlantic cruise he went on shortly after I was discharged from PT, he asked me about my knee. I told him all the things I’ve done since I last saw him, including the day I did too much (biked 16 miles outside, cleaned my house, and danced at a party).  At first he gave me a “seriously Sara, what were you thinking” look. But then he said, “wait, you did all those things pain free?  And the only way you know it was too much was because you had swelling the next day? That’s actually incredible!” He was also so happy to hear that I’m still doing the rehab exercises as diligently as my life will allow.

Then came the part where I gave him a letter I wrote thanking him for being such a huge part of why I recovered so well from surgery, along with a small gift. He got choked up and thanked me and gave me a big hug. I got tearful then he got more tearful and told me not to be a stranger. My goodness I’m grateful for the luck I had in finding him as a physical therapist. Maybe because of my profession, I know how important it is to thank the people who make a difference in your life. I’ll have a letter for Dr. Z and Lisa penned very soon. 

Other thoughts:

*This memory (picture above) popped up on Facebook the other day, and it really stung. It was a year after my first appointment with Dr. Z, the appointment where I was still optimistic that this was just a little meniscus issue. I could tell during that appointment that he was legitimately unsure how “minor” the issue was, and even though I knew he could tell that just by looking at an x-ray (which is not good), I was certain he would fix me up and I’d be pounding the pavement soon enough. I’m not sure why this memory bothered me so much. Maybe because it was a memory I had forgotten about. Maybe because I’m finding it hard to believe that it’s been such a long process (not journey) already. Time flies when you’re having fun? 

Or something like that. 

*My knee overall feels pretty great. Biking is going well, although the weather has been so shitty it’s been hard to do much outside on the bike. I have not been doing my rehab exercises as frequently as I should. But I am doing what I can for now, and will work on prioritizing those exercises before other life requirements get in the way. I have not tried yoga or swimming yet either, although I want to take swim lessons and learn how to do it so I can hopefully like it, love it even!

Pain is zero. 

Swelling is minimal. 

I am still getting random sharp nerve pains indicating that the nerves that innervate the skin are continuing to wake up. It is weird and uncomfortable, but not the worst thing ever. And, crazy enough, I’m still less than halfway through recovery from this surgery. THAT is mind boggling to me! 

*I signed up for the MS bike ride a long while back (I think it was even pre-surgery) and I’m excited to bike in it. And after talking to a dad at our synagogue during kid drop off for Hebrew school, I recently signed up for another ride that is even sooner than the MS ride. It’s in July and is a 100km course (approx 60 Miles). Also, in just 2 weeks (15 days to be exact, but who’s counting) I turn 40, and my plan is to ride 40 miles that day. So I’m hopeful these “little” goals will keep me motivated through the summer.

*I’ve had a few days recently where I really feel the need to go for a run (most of it related to parenting the 12 year old I mentioned in the beginning of this post) and I feel frustrated that I can’t have that quick discharge of frustration that a hard fast 5km run would give me. I tell myself that I should just go to the gym and get it out there, but I’ve hesitated to do so. I think I’m afraid it won’t work and then I’ll just be more frustrated. So I take a nap instead...which feels lazy and counterproductive and depression-linked and, well, I just really need to be nicer to myself sometimes. I need to give myself space and allow myself to nap and feel frustrated.
So, yeah, I’m working on that pretty regularly.
It occurred to me that I may never be done with therapy at this rate.

Forever A Work In Progress...