One year ago...

Exactly one year ago today...I completed my first Half Ironman. I struggled through rough waters and blazing heat but I raced smart and finished strong.  

I very clearly remember being SO proud of myself, and honestly, that is not a feeling I have very often. Sure I do things that I am happy with and I recognize my own accomplishments, but this was raw, bursting at the seams, pride. In myself. More so than any other race I’ve done. 

It took a lot of balls nerve to do this, and I did it (mostly) without even flinching. I also did it all by myself. I knew no one there. I had no one there. I drove to Maryland by myself, checked in for the race (only my second ever triathlon and my first Ironman event), stayed in a nasty scary motel, and then got up and showed up to the start line (if you don’t get yourself to the start, you have no chance of getting to the finish). I was also so proud of how I raced, how smart I stayed through it all to make sure I didn’t crumble under the 95 degree heat, and how well I planned my strategy for a strong finish.  







 I knew this Facebook memory was coming up, and while it is so fun to think back on that day, it also hurts, maybe more than I expected it to. The bus ride from the finish to my car was filled with setting goals and making plans for 2018...a full Ironman and a 100 mile race were my two big goals. 
I was SO excited!  
I mentally and physically battled to the finish of Eagleman. 
I felt invincible. 
I felt unstoppable.

I think this memory hurts so much because I went from feeling all of the above to feeling so unsure, in a very short period of time. 
Just one day after my Eagleman finish is when I got the results of my knee testing in an email...and it all sounded bad. 3 days after my finish is when I saw Dr. Z for a diagnosis (he couldn’t believe I just finished a 70.3 on a knee as bad as mine). And it was only 6 weeks after Eagleman that I ran my last run. 

I know the “one year since my last run” anniversary is coming up sooner than later and I’m already anxious about how emotional that will be. 
Disclaimer: I’m a little self conscious saying all of this because I do know that there are people who have far more significant and terrible diagnosis anniversary memories, but I’m allowing myself to own these memories and feel what comes with them. 



I know I will have new awesome accomplishments that will challenge me and make me proud...

Like the Ironman mantra says: 
ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE

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