11 weeks post-op, and other stuff.

11 weeks. 

Who cares, right?!

Yes I’m still counting the weeks. 

And I still care. 

I kind of feel like one of those moms who has a one year old but refers to the kid’s age as 52 weeks. 

Or a mom of a 4 year old who refers to the kid’s age as 48 months. 

I’m not sure when I’ll stop referring to my surgery in post-op time. Not sure if/when I’ll stop counting. This has been a big deal for me, this whole process from June (diagnosis) until now. The more I can do physically, the more “normal” I feel, and the more I realize how this impacted me in ways I wasn’t really aware of. 

I’m walking well. So well that people forget that I’m still having to focus on each step. No thanks, I take the elevator everywhere, no stairs please. Nope, not taking the scenic walk, let’s find the shortest distance possible and walk that way. Still kind of stuck in a place where I look normal but still feel far from it. 

Swelling is minimal. Pain is minimal most of the time. It’s been 3 days since I’ve taken any Tylenol or Motrin. I walked to and from work one day this week! I’m getting there. Slowly but surely!

PT is a bit better. I talked to my new person and told her I need to back off of the steps, maybe do them at the end of the hour so I don’t ruin all the other exercises I need to do. She was receptive and open to what I had to say, so I’ve had 2 sessions that have been much better. I’m not even sure if I mentioned how bad last week’s session was, which led me to cancel one of our sessions. She said to me, “it’s alarming when a patient like you cancels and the reason is knee pain.”  

Exactly. 

So lay off the stupid steps!

It’s crazy, and I shouldn’t care, but I really want her to understand that I’m not a baby, and I’m not afraid to do hard work...

 I am, however, protective of my knee and only I know how the steps make it feel.

 But still, I’m not a baby...

So it looks pretty much the same. Not sure how much different it will look in the end.

When is the end again? 

Next goals are to be able to walk more distances and feel good about it. Walking to and from work this week was kind of my own “see if you can do it” more than anything. PT lady gave me an annoyed look when I told her about it. It felt fine as long as I went slow, but I struggled with the slow part. I used to time myself getting to and from work and see how fast I could go. It’s 1.3 miles and I could do it easily in 21 minutes. Now it’s more like 29+ minutes. But still, I’m walking!

Speaking of walking, I need to get back up on the South St. Bridge to see the city. I only went up there the one time on New Years Day. 

I’m getting an annoying number of emails (still...even though I unsubscribed from all of the emails lists) for all of the spring races. 

It makes me sad. And I don’t want it to. 

I’m going to need to volunteer and spectate some races early on this spring to get my mind in a better place about it. I’m putting it down here so I hold myself accountable. 

In other, also related to me being sad about not running, news...I bumped into my Altras today when I was trying to find shoes to wear to work. 

What are my Altras? 

These are my Altras.

 I thought I had donated them along with my other running shoes. But apparently I didn’t. Or maybe I did and they found their way home to torture me. 

*i promise I’m not actually entertaining the idea that my shoes traveled home on their own, but I had a brief laugh-to-myself moment visualizing such a thing before deciding I might be going nuts and that I need to stop giving human abilities to a pair of running shoes I haven’t looked at in many months*

Sorry, where was I?

Oh right, I was looking for shoes to wear to work and was digging in my shoe cubby in the hallway and found these guys hiding on the bottom. I actually stood back and felt my heart hurt. It was likely anxiety. But it felt like heartbreak. 

I KNOW!  

I’m so fucking dramatic about running. 

Shut up Sara. 

Get over it. 

Move on. 

I’m trying. I promise. 

Not sure what to do with them. I have been wearing an old pair of Sauconys that I never wore for running as my PT/walking shoes. I likely won’t wear the Altras. It sounds (and feels) so damn silly to be affected by seeing a pair of shoes. But it all affirms my sense of what running meant to me, and still means to me.

I’ll tell you one more crazy thing about me related to this conversation thread. I wanted to get Alex new running shoes for the holidays. I looked everywhere online and couldn’t find exactly what he wore so I knew I had to go to Philadelphia Runner for their help. But I literally couldn’t bring myself to go to the center city or university city stores because I have too many feelings and memories from those locations. So I went out to the Manayunk store to buy his shoes. 

Ridiculous. I know. 

Ok, enough of this. Thanks for reading, and caring.