Cleaning house

"I'm going to give you $10,000 towards the life of your knee once it's repaired. Being the young active mom of two boys that you are, you'll use 10 cents a day just by living your life. If you add running to your life, even a small amount a few times a week, you'll be using 10 DOLLARS a day. The effect of any running on your knee after this surgery is exponential, not cumulative. I can't tell you not to run, but I can tell you that running will destroy anything we do to your knee." -Dr. Sheth

This conversation happened, and I decided then that I was going to be done running as soon as treatment started on my knee. 

This is not the doctor that will be doing my next surgery, but he's the one who will likely be inserting my artificial knee joint in 5-10 years; when the meniscus transplant (the surgery I'm having done in November) fails...which is a guarantee based on everyday wear and tear.

After I sobbed, I took myself off of every social media running group I was affiliated with. I didn't want to know about anything awesome and running-centered coming up in the fall. 

I then felt the need to pack up anything running related and get it out of my house immediately for fear that it would taunt me and make me even sadder. Thankfully I came to my senses on this one and realized I was being too reactive and should "clean house" when I was actually ready. 

I felt like it might take years to be ready. But it actually took less than 2 months. 

This morning I decided to go through my "running-junk" drawer. 

It doesn't look all that exciting. But getting something from this drawer meant I was doing something extra fun. Not just a normal 5 mile no big deal run. That kind of run doesn't need anything but clothes and shoes. This drawer has stuff for extra long runs, extra cold runs, triathlons and trails runs. There's nutrition and hydration and gloves and directions and tri-glide and bike tubes and baby wipes and reflective vests and  SO much more. I LOVE(d) this drawer.

But I'm ready to get rid of the stuff I won't be using. I am happy to pass it along to my friends who will run happy and run strong and do amazing things with their bodies...as will I once I'm healed. 

I'm keeping the swim/bike stuff and am excited to open this drawer next year for a long bike adventure or an open water swim. 


I'm also keeping my trusty Rocky 50K directions so I can bike along with food and water for participants in 2018 and beyond. This fat-ass run was my first ultra distance and I'll not forget how awesome it was!
 
Here's me and J, running it in 2015, directions in hand for navigation, phone in hand to take all the pictures, and all smiles because running is fucking awesome!

Comments

  1. karenSeptember 15, 2017 at 5:59 PM

    Love this. I know it's hard but you'll enjoy biking and swimming just as much. Prior to the last couple of years when Court got so bad, I saw her whole attitude and body change because of swimming. I hope she can get back to it again some day, just as I hope you find your joy in biking and swimming. 💜

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. SaraSeptember 15, 2017 at 8:40 PM

      Thank you Karen. I look forward to having a passion like this again, but first, I look forward to no pain! Hope you are well!

      Delete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Overwhelmed, in a good way!

Image
Me, this morning, with Dr. Z and Lisa Well, this was a pleasant surprise!  I’m discharged from Dr. Z’s care! I know, right?!   Hearing him say it didn’t feel real.  Typing it doesn’t make it feel real.  But it’s real! This morning I went for my 9 month post-op appointment. I couldn’t wait to tell Dr. Z about the 100k bike race. I couldn’t wait to tell him that I can walk 7 miles at once. I couldn’t wait to tell him that most days when I get up in the morning, my knee is not the first thing I feel or notice or think about.  Once he picked his jaw up off the ground, and hugged me, and congratulated me, and looked at the x-rays, and examined my knee, he told me that I’m doing better than he could’ve ever hoped and that there’s nothing else he needs to do for me.  What???  “Are you sure? I thought we were going to be together for 18 months, at least...” He’s sure.  I’ve had no setbacks.  I’ve had no complications.  I’ve had consistent forward progress.  I can do things pain free and swelli
Read more

End of the year, part 1

Image
One of my very favorite parts of the end of the year is tallying my running mileage, considering my goals-met, and thinking of goals for the next year. It’s very exciting to look back and relive the good and the not-so-good from the year. Inevitably I scroll through my pictures month by month with a huge smile on my face.  “Oh, I forgot about that race” “I can’t believe I PR’d in that humidity” “Thank goodness I didn’t give up and just swam through the tears” Obviously this year is really different.  I’m struggling to reconcile how happy I am in what I did accomplish running, with how terribly disappointed I am in what happened to my knee, with how proud I am of my recovery so far.  It’s impossible to come up with one primary feeling to cover it all...so I decided to not try and reconcile the feelings. I’ll let them be separate and not equal.  As A Runner As a runner I had a great year. It ended on 7/31 with a total of 862 miles. But up until then I really had an incredible year that I
Read more

Wistful vs Wishful

Image
The word Wishful  means to have hope for something.  The word Wistful means to have a melancholy longing for something. The words are so close, just one letter off, but they have very different meanings. This image very accurately depicts my mood lately.  Definitely more wistful than wishful.  Wistful for nice weather, running, running, running, doing anything that makes me feel like I am doing something physical! ************************************ My husband would likely argue that this picture is a far more accurate depiction of my mood lately, but this is my blog so I choose wistful kitten over raging bitch cat... ************************************* Regardless of which cat persona you go with, both are how I’ve felt lately (maybe one more than the other, but that’s not the point). And consider this fair warning in case you bump into me on the street...but actually try not to bump into me, my knee is still fragile and that’s a sure-fire way to see
Read more