Moving Forward...life before, during and after a meniscus transplant

This blog is about to become all about recovery from surgery, rehab, pain control, and getting back to walking because, while this blog has many purposes (therapeutic venting, information sharing, thoughts on topics others might find interesting...), I also want it to be a resource for others who have the same/similar combination of surgeries I am about to have.  So I thought, before it gets all surgical, I would back up to the beginning...well my “being a runner” beginning.  I wrote a post a while back (my first I think) about the day my running ended. I included a sad picture of me. I ugly cried on that run. It was hard to believe that something that was such a huge part of my life and identity, was over. But how did it start?  What started this obsession  passion? If it’s not a question you had, you can stop reading now.  Anyone still reading? Anyone? Ok, so I think I’ve got running on my brain because we are experiencing the perfect running weather righ...

Fall racing season was my favorite season.  You spend all summer slogging through the heat, hoping that pushing your miles in the nasty hot humidity will make you SO fast once the weather breaks. Then you have your first 50 degree morning run and you literally feel like you are flying! Yeah, fall running was awesome. I'm not going to lie, Facebook has been hard to handle some days. Most people are distance training for one marathon or another. There are posted stats of the 15, 18, 20 mile runs and I CANNOT imagine running that far!  I know I've done it, too many times to count, but holy shit that seems so far!!!  And why are they smiling after???  Doesn't everything hurt??? Then I look at pictures of me, like the one above after I ran a 50 mile trail race last year, and sure enough I look happy as can be. And I was.  But now I feel very far removed from even being able to comprehend how someone just goes out and runs 20 miles on a random Satu...

"I'm going to give you $10,000 towards the life of your knee once it's repaired. Being the young active mom of two boys that you are, you'll use 10 cents a day just by living your life. If you add running to your life, even a small amount a few times a week, you'll be using 10 DOLLARS a day. The effect of any running on your knee after this surgery is exponential, not cumulative. I can't tell you not to run, but I can tell you that running will destroy anything we do to your knee." -Dr. Sheth This conversation happened, and I decided then that I was going to be done running as soon as treatment started on my knee.  This is not the doctor that will be doing my next surgery, but he's the one who will likely be inserting my artificial knee joint in 5-10 years; when the meniscus transplant (the surgery I'm having done in November) fails...which is a guarantee based on everyday wear and tear. After I sobbed, I took myself off of every socia...

...that's how long it's been since I went for my last run.  A little over 6 weeks.  I can't decide which sounds longer... 44 days or 6 weeks.  Not to sound dramatic (too late) but it feels like it's been an eternity. I honestly can't remember what going for a run feels like. How weird is that?!  Early on in this non-running process I craved  the feeling of a good run, or a bad run, really any kind of run. I felt like something was missing physically, like my body needed to be doing something but it wasn't. Similar, I guess, to how it feels when you're training your ass off for a distance race and taper week comes and you just don't feel right because your body needs the feeling that running provides.  That's how I felt for pretty much the whole month of August. I physically felt the need/desire to run. I was also pretty bitter and sad and tearful.  The physical need/desire is gone, possibly because my knee hurts so badly...

devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others. characterized by or manifesting concern or care only for oneself. This is the definition of the word selfish.  I tried to find another word for the same idea of being selfish, without the negativity that comes from the actual definition. But after an extensive search (10 minutes on Google), it seems that there's not such a word.  So selfish it is.  When I was a runner (yay, I'm back to talking about running!), people would ask, "why running?" *obviously the people asking this were non-runners themselves* Running was my selfish thing. Running was the something I did only for me. Running was my "me" time. Running helped me become more self-aware. Running allowed me to be mindful and present and attuned. Running helped me connect to my body in a positive way. Running gave me social interactions. Running m...

Saturday night I was sending some "good luck tomorrow" messages to my friends who were racing in the Philly 10K. It's something running friends do for each other, and it feels good to be a giver and receiver of those messages, so I was mustering up my good running vibes and sending them along.  I'll be honest...it wasn't easy for me to even acknowledge that the race was happening. I registered long ago, secured my spot, and was going to run it for my fourth year in a row...and the race is four years old. So my thought was that I would run it every year, without skipping a year, because how often are you around for the inaugural running of a race that then becomes your favorite race?  Never, that's how often. I was going to be running the 25th year in a row as a 60 year old! But, you know, things changed... So I transferred my bib to an able bodied lady (I hope she had a good race!) and was going to ignore that the race was even happening. But as a...

I've been coming to the Rehoboth/Dewey Beach area somewhat regularly since I was in 6th grade (27 years, which isn't possible because I can't be THAT old!) and very regularly since I was a sophomore in college (so, for the past 19 years). There's a million things I love about southern Delaware, and wouldn't you know it, one of the things that's on the top of my list is running down here.  We vacationed down here with another family many years in a row when I was young, and the father was a runner...like a real runner...had shoes he wore only when he ran, and described his runs in miles rather than blocks or street lengths. I remember going running with him as a 12 year old, our first summer in Rehoboth...I'd never run before but thought it must be cool since he would wake up early and disappear and come back looking so sweaty and happy. So I went with him one morning, I vaguely remember that we ran about 3 miles, and I was sick for hours after. He...

Change of plans...     No, I'm not going to start running again. I really wish. When I went to my doctor Wednesday to have my stitches out, I wanted him to tell me, "you know what, this really isn't all that bad.  Just run and stop and rest if it hurts."   He did take the stitches out, but he also spent a LOT of time talking to me about what to do next...what surgery to pick to "restore" my knee.   My options were: the meniscus transplant, or the partial knee replacement. After surgery, I found out that the osteoarthritis is much worse than the imaging showed, and my previously repaired ACL is deficient and needs replacing as well.  This makes me a risky complicated meniscus transplant candidate.  The partial knee with ACL repair was the other option.   Honestly the meniscus transplant scared the shit out of me.  It's a gnarly (my friend Courtney's word), long surgery, with a...

One of the many things that running gave me was a community of people who were unlike any other group of people in my life.  These people, who are more different than alike, became a source of support and encouragement and purpose over the past few years.  As the Philadelphia Running Social Media scene took off, I found myself interacting with people from all walks of life with varied ages and religions and backgrounds and careers and personalities and desires...all with the one common interest of running.  I was delighted by the support and encouragement I received, and happily shared that support to others along the way.  Little by little I met many of these people during group runs, at races, or in "real life" when neither of us were doing anything related to running...at the grocery store, at work, at synagogue, in the school yard.  These people understood my relationship with running in a way that many never will, and have solidified a place...

Benefits of not being a runner anymore:   1) I don't have to try and scramble my work and family schedules around the races I signed up for a year earlier and forgot all about     2) I can wear athletic shoes that I like the looks of rather than wear the shoes that work best for my feet even if they cost a fortune and look like bowling shoes   3) There is far less laundry to do on a daily basis    4) I don't have to find the money for the full Ironman I planned to do next year   5) I can eat and drink what I want on a Saturday night and not worry about how it will affect my "long run" on Sunday 6) My toenails might grow back and I could start getting pedicures again 7) My day does not revolve around when I plan on running and how many miles it will be 8) I can volunteer at races like I've always wanted to, but couldn't because I also wanted to run in them