5 weeks post-op...

5 weeks. 

It feels like 5 years...

and at the same time...

hasn’t it only been 5 days?

Things are going really well. 

Luckily that’s been the case from the get go.  

It helps to have a great trusting relationship with my surgeon. It helps also that he’s dedicated and skilled at what he does. I’ve healed well thanks to being healthy and strong long before the surgery. And rehab has been successful because of my great PT guy Marty, and the fact that I’m dedicated to doing it right and getting the best outcome possible. 

I am weary though.

 

This has been physically and mentally challenging. 

There are days I feel strong as hell, and days I want to stay in bed and cry. Going back to work has been great but incredibly exhausting. 

I cringe anymore when people ask me “what happened” with regard to my knee. I either get comments that get under my skin and make me want to run away (as if!) or I get amazing amounts of empathy that make me want to cry. Theres a whole big spectrum of reactions and there’s no warning which way it’s going to go, so it’s a total crap shoot with every encounter!

This painting from Leonid Afremov visually depicts how I have been feeling on any given day. 

It’s titled “whirlwind of feelings.”

Yeah. It’s pretty perfect. 

Feeling like this hasn’t been bad necessarily. I’m learning a lot about myself. But managing so many feelings and emotions, without the release that running gave me, is exhausting. I’m thankful that my husband allows me to cry and be cranky when I need to be. I appreciate my friends understanding when I’m just not myself. I appreciate my therapist, more than ever, while going through this. And I also appreciate myself and how hard I’m working physically and mentally to stay on track. 

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So 5 weeks post-op. 

Where am I physically?

Well, I’m a week away from my next follow-up with the surgeon. 

I hope like hell think I’m a week away from not needing the brace anymore(!!!)...

This step is mentioned in the section of the post-op protocol that’s labeled Phase II, weeks 8-12.  I’ve been focused only on weeks 1-6 so I don’t get too far ahead of myself, but I was feeling antsy and looked to see what’s next.  I almost fell over reading this, and I REALLY hope this isn’t a typo. The thought of only 1 more week in this torturous leg clamp makes me ridiculously excited! 

Stay tuned for news on that!

I am finishing my second week back at work. It hasn’t been easy but every day has gotten a little better. 

My leg feels decent at this point. 

I wear a compression sock on the left leg most days because the swelling is still pretty intense. I was told the swelling will improve once I’m actually walking on it.  

I can sleep more soundly now without the brace and I wake up less from pain. 

My smaller medial incision is less painful and now my big incision hurts like hell at times. The nerves are reconnecting so the pain is often random and for no reason. And my PT has me doing scar massage now. Ouch! 

It is as miserable as it sounds. 

I’m taking Tylenol 2X a day now. Morning and night. 

I had PT today and I was worried it would be terrible after a long week at work. But it was actually great!  He put me on a stationary bike with the seat super high-up thinking I’d struggle getting my L knee to bend enough to make the pedals go all the way around. 

Not so!  

He ended up lowering it, after a few adjustments, down to where it should for normal biking...and I did great!  Some discomfort initially, but it felt good. So I did 10 minutes on the bike with no resistance. And can do more at the gym when I want. Max of 30 minutes, no resistance. He was really pleased with how well I am progressing, which helps me feel good. It’s been hard to get my exercises in now that I’m back to work, but hearing his encouraging words reminds me just how worth it this all is!

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One final thought. 

I’ve had a 3 similar interactions with people since my surgery that have really touched me. 

Each time it has involved someone who knows me, but doesn’t know me very well. Someone who knows me as a runner. Someone who didn’t know I had surgery. 

So the person encounters me, and sees the crutches and brace and looks horrified, and says “what happened?”

So I tell them surgery-recovery-it’s going really well...

And these few times, the person immediately says “when will you be able to run again?” The question hurts, it always does, but the empathic response I have gotten these times has made the hurt worth it. 

I explain that I won’t run again, and the person gets visibly upset. Their understanding of what that means to me, even though they don’t really know me, is palpable and powerful. One said, “oh my gosh, I want to cry. I don’t know what to say” another got tears in her eyes and shook her head and simply said “you are so strong.” I have gotten teary eyed during each of these encounters, not because of the running part, but because these people really feel my struggle somehow. Their genuine empathy is greatly appreciated. These encounters have validated me when I am struggling, and I am grateful for these people.